Whether or not my sister is aware of her affliction, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, DSM-IV, is up for debate. She has been victimizIng me since the moment I was born. Of course, I had no idea that her abuse of me is clinical. I started “looking into it” 48 years later. It was May, 2019. I called her to suggest we get together for Father’s Day and go see our dad. I don’t remember what she said—it was probably “maybe”. I never heard from her nor did I proceed with any concrete plans. Father’s day came and I called my dad. He said nothing about where he was or what he was doing. I wished him a happy father’s day and told him I love him. A few days later, I learned that my sister and her family (my brother-in-law and my niece and nephew) whisked him and my step-mom off to an ocean front beach vacation weekend—to celebrate Father’s day. Mind you, “things” like this happened periodically if not frequently throughout our years as adults. I thought little of these get-togethers and trips that didn’t include me and not for long when I did. So when this incident occurred, I was irritated by her thoughtlessness but not much more crossed my mind about it. I called her and expressed my hurt and that was that. I still had absolutely no idea the depths of her narcissism and her abuse of me. My whole life I thought it was all my mother’s doing and that my sister was “an innocent, helpless bystander” in watching and witnessing my mother’s unnatural and unconscionable treatment of me. In fact, I can prove that I had no idea my sister was behind most if not all of my heart-aches and breaks.
This is part of an email I sent to my mother. It was in response to one of the worst things she said (and did to me) in December, 2009 (which is the day I walked away from my mother and only seldom looked back). I will write about this event in much more detail in the future. But for now I will say that my sister had everything to do with this moment—but I had absolutely no idea. I even went to her immediately following this incident, in-person, for love, support, and a shoulder. And she sure did give it to me! Oh fuck she sure did. She paved for me her road of never talking to my mother again and being disinherited. Neither of which a daughter would ever want, naturally. She may go down in history as the world’s most “successful” narcissistic sister…and the richest by means of my mother’s death.
My sister needed to win so bad that my brother-in-law and his 80-year-old mother were literally physically pulling me off and out of my dying mother’s arms because they were so afraid she was going to change her will. Why were they so violent and fearful? Because my mother, at the very least near the end, without a doubt and unequivocally, had voiced this to my sister, my brother-in-law, and my aunt and uncle during her last weeks. At this point I gave her will little to no thought so why this insane behaviour was happening in my mother’s house and within eyeshot and earshot of my dying mother, the house both my sister and I grew up in and where my mother died, was inexplicable. To say that I was confused and terrified is understated. It was unbelievable. Things you would only expect to see in a movie. But it happened. It all happened and I will elaborate with fascinating detail in short order.
My mom died in June, 2021. It was May, 2021 when I realised my sister is a master salesman of lies and a master triangulator and gaslighter.
This is a portion of the email I sent to my mother 10 months after the unspeakable and unnatural incident:
I will not share this story until K & P [my sister and her husband] are back from their trip. She has a hard time with this stuff, she knows it’s all true, but it causes her grief. She avoids grief and pain at all costs, that’s HER burden. She won’t even listen to sad songs, no matter how beautiful. It bothers her deeply the pain you cause me. With that, she HATES that I vomit it all up for the world to see and this is for two reasons; number 1: she thinks that if I stop thinking, talking, writing about it, my pain will go away (it won’t) and reason number 2: She doesn’t want people to know that her family is anything but perfection (it isn’t– and only those as shallow as an empty Kio pond or those with Asberger’s Syndrome are fooled). Just like she doesn’t understand the spiritual benefits of a beautiful song that moves you to tears, she doesn’t understand the catharsis that ascends through the soul when one writes about the things that affect them deeply. And I consider myself a lucky one—I can face it, cry about it, laugh about it, and write about it with humor.
So my sister will not hear of or see this, hopefully ever, but at least until she finishes her fabulous trip. Even though it may bother her for a day, bother her that I am bothered and writing this, it’s a day that she would never get back—and I am certainly not going to do that while she is enjoying the beautiful, quaint, cobble stone streets of Playa del Carmen.
Above, in this email to my mom in 2010, I am clearly “protecting” my sister from any upset, because at this point and all they way to 2020, I thought we were friends. I was quite obviously a friend to her as I was until 2021 when my mom was dying. She was, and still is, nothing but tricks and deception with her triangulations and gaslighting and all other magic narcissists perform. She’s a fucking magician. She isn’t my friend and she never was. But in order to keep control and thus keep you victimised and as their narcissistic supply, they must keep you thinking they are your friend.
People. I’m telling this story to raise awareness. There’s real good reason for people to perk up and pay attention—if we don’t, narcissists can rise to power unbridled–from giving them the power over a will that, under “natural” circumstances, no child would be disinherited from and, if we haven’t learned from small things like a disinheritance, the rise to power can give way to the killing of 6 million Jews. Narcissists don’t stop until they are stopped. My sister will destroy me and crush me until one of us is dead—but that likely won’t stop her, either. She’ll go after my children. She already has…
I got wind that my brother-in-law is not well with a heart problem. When I heard about it, I knew instantly “what” is behind it.
Uncle P? My advice is to think long and hard about what you allowed to happen during my mother’s infirm and death and what you actually physically did to me while I was sitting next to her with my right hand on my dying mother’s forehead and the other on her hand. Shame shame shame on you. I want to forgive you for what you did and for what you didn’t do—but take my advice—G-d is at work, here, and there’s only one way for you to avoid what’s in store for you. G-d calls it repentance and remediation. Also, feel free to thank me for not going forward with the criminal or civil charges against you and your mother (the wife of a local Greek Priest) as of yet. Shame on all of you blind and ignorant (at best) or complicit (at worst) fuckers.
There’s so much more to illustrate of my sister’s NPD and overwhelming evidence of my “injuries” due to it (pictures, home movies, hand-written letters, and other cool things to show-off–some of which go all the way from 1983) and other fun stuff coming! Also, I know exposing someone with NPD is dangerous. But she took it all. Including my three children and my dad. I have absolutely nothing to lose.
