It was probably around September, 2021, a few months after the death of my mom, that I nailed, and big ones with 9-inch shanks, the diagnosis for my sister, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, DSM-V. I was giddy with relief, for I’ve been under the care of doctors and therapists for many years, trying to figure out and navigate through the mess and messes I’ve found myself in, tangible and intangible. Relief because, it turns out, I’m not the one who is “mentally ill”, after all.

Here’s the clincher, though…”Okay, good, but now what?” I don’t think, out of the hundreds of articles I’ve read about it, any of them said it’s a good idea to confront them, let alone expose them. In fact, every article states to never do that. This is because, well, those afflicted with NPD don’t change and things will “only get worse” for their narcissitic supplier or suppliers. I disagree. I think with intensive therapy and support from those who love them, they can. First, of course, they have to be convinced that something is wrong.

Please don’t think I lack sympathy for her. I absolutely do. However, I have it for both of us. What happened to me as a newborn happened to her as a 2-year-old. Our mother was having an affair with the man who lived across the street. The affair went on from shortly after my birth, and possibly before then, and continued for months. The history of my family, especially the mothers, going back to, at least, my mother’s Grandmother, Hilda, the mothers in my family were definitely not the kind a baby or child would pick, to say it nicely and mildly. They all had elements of narcissism and abusive behavior. Krissy got that “bug”, if you will. Coupled with that, I believe my mother “did it” (the affair) in front of her, so-to-speak.

Mind you and admittedly, all of us on G-d’s earth have an inclination to do or be evil, known universally as “free will”. G-d calls this Yetzer Hara. We all have it. The problem comes when it’s not controlled. A child has to learn to control it. Most of the time, they learn from their parents how to behave and treat others appropriately. If a mother, or father, or both, do not have the skills to “redirect” this evil inclination, often narcissism develops. So what happened to Kris? My mother was not a good one. Her Yetzer Hara ruled over or Yetzer HaTov (good inclination). She did things that would make any child feel insecure. Since I was a newborn, and after then, an infant, during her affair, I didn’t “see” or “interpret” it the way Kris did. Also, we are two, or three, different people. I was not born with as much Yetzer Hara as my mother and sister. Alternatively, you could say, I’m much, much more “naturally good”, I’m proud to say. However, that’s likely what made me a very bright and noticeable target, if you will. Have you ever wondered how serial killers who work together find each other? How did Charles Ng and Leonard Lake, Kenneth Bianci and Angelo Buono, Henry Lee Lucas & Ottis Toole, and Nathan Freudenthal Leopold Jr. and Richard Albert Loeb (the latter is even more disturbing to me because the perpetrators are Jews as was their 14-year-old victim, I believe)-apparently “Jews are serial killers, too”, find each other? Narcissists can “read” people. My sister saw the weakness in my mother and knew just how to play it. Just like the dominant serial killer finds like-minded recruits.

More importantly, my mother had overwhelming Yetzer Hara. The woman was having an affair when I was a newborn, and with a married man across the street who had not “just” a wife, but two teenagers, a boy and a girl. If that’s not “weakness”, I don’t know what is. What she did to my dad is beyond awful and the details will be coming eventually. But I will say it is not sweet.

If I may regress, “My sister saw the weakness in my mother and knew just how to play it”… What caused my sister’s insatiable need to have it all and take it all from me? She saw me as a threat to her security. No child is going to develop “normally” when their very security is threatened. Watching, seeing, “feeling”, and knowing our mother frolic with a man who isn’t our dad isn’t at all healthy. The affair between my mother and the man across the street effected us profoundly, but manifested our being and our beings in very different ways.

Below is a page right out of my baby book…