UNLESS HE IS A TRAINED THESPIAN

Does everyone know about the little 3-year-old boy in Montana who was lost in the wild for 2 days alone?  He wondered away from his mom and got lost.  For 2 days.  Alone.  3 years old.  As if that’s not fascinating on its own, it is the photos of before and after that has my mind going crazy.  I was substitute teaching a high school welding class and a student told me about it.

I immediately looked up the story, during class. I was almost dismissive of it as the student mentioned the pictures and how he looked like a different person…until I saw the photos of the before and after for myself.

I sometimes think of my childhood as kind-of feral.  I wasn’t fending for my physical survival necessarily, but I was on my own emotionally and mentally—and not just alone, alone with an enemy that wanted nothing more than for me to not exist. It was more complicated, and damaging, than just being on my own.

For instance, this sweet child, Ryker Webb, wasn’t just alone frolicking around in the wilderness eating berries, wood whittling and collecting bugs whilst whistling, killing time as he waits for someone to rescue him.  He was staving off wild animals and instinctively looking for shelter and safety to save his life.  Again, he was 3 years old. 

Here he is as he should be—a carefree and happy 3-year-old:

And here he is, not long after the above photo was taken, after 2 days alone in the wilderness, taken at the hospital after his rescue:

My childhood was similar, although I wasn’t necessarily fighting for physical survival, it was emotional and mental nourishment I needed.  And it wasn’t just an isolated 2 days. I didn’t just not get my needs met–I was emotionally and mentally abused and neglected, for decades.

Below are photos that illustrate maltreatment, discomfort, and distress.  I should have never looked like this.  Not only did I look like this, I looked like this without having been lost in the wilderness for 2 days.  This was done to me in my very own home by my very own family, my older sister being the master of puppets:

Regarding one of the photos, the one where I’m on a scale (top right); granted, that would make most any girl unhappy or uncomfortable.  Also, while we’re talking about the photos, I couldn’t help but notice that I’m dressed up and hair-cutted to look like a boy.  This is something I will address in a future post about coercive control and narcissistic abuse, so do check back.

When things happen to you that shouldn’t, you are not the same person you are supposed to be, not the person G-d intended—at least the G-d I know and love wants no one to suffer, be it being raised in a family riddled with narcissists, or being lost for 2 days in the wilderness at 3 years old.  Sometimes this suffering is observable on the outside, as you can see in the photos of myself and Ryker.  What I can assure you is that there’s suffering and damage on the inside even more.  What Ryker has going for him is that his time in the wild with no guidance and shelter and safety against the “enemies” was only 2 days, and his family wasn’t hurting him on purpose.  In fact, they were desperately trying to rescue and love him.  No one came for me, and no one is coming.  Mine is a life sentence unless I can figure out how to overturn it.

An additional note of interest—looking at the photos of me and my sister—if you have good and evil in a room together, or in a picture, it is the evil one that is most likely going to be the one smiling.

In 2021, a few months after my mom died, I uncovered my sister’s personality disorder. I was reading all I could about it. I devoured it. There was not one article that said it was a good idea to confront your narcissistic abuser or reveal to them, or anyone else, that you “know”. Well, do I have to say it? Are you gonna make me say it? “I didn’t listen”. For some reason, I thought I’d be safe. I thought I’d be different. I thought that if I came forward and didn’t keep the secret, I would be protected and safe and that my friends and family and maybe even some enemies would rally around me and stand by my side. Must I say this, too? They didn’t. Not even my own children have my back. It went exactly the way every single article and expert on the matter said it would. As I was warned, things only got worse.

I would do it differently if I had the chance to do it again. I certainly don’t agree that it should be that way, but that’s the way it is. There will come a time when it (narcissistic abuse) will be talked about in the open, be understood and no longer hidden and victims won’t be blamed. The things that are so blatant and obvious to survivors of narcissistic abuse will also be obvious to everyone else.

It’s frustrating and terrifying when things that are so obviously wrong are not obviously wrong to the rest of the world. We should never take that for granted–that something so obviously wrong isn’t so obviously wrong to everyone. G-d learned this the hard way after he created Adam and Eve (and family). He basically created them but didn’t think He needed any rules. He erroneously figured that things that were wrong would be so obviously wrong that people wouldn’t do them. Moving on to Cain and Abel, the first children on earth, the first pair of siblings on earth–again, no rules. Evil nature of man, even siblings, was taken for granted, and Cain, jealous of his very own brother, killed him.

We learn a tough lesson in this story, that things so obviously wrong, like killing your own brother in a fit of jealousy, isn’t actually so obviously wrong. People did it. People do it. So then G-d gave the world 7 rules, one is “Do Not Murder”, because it, unfortunately, isn’t so obviously wrong.

My sister is an extremely successful narcissist. This is due to our morally ignorant and corrupt mother and, with that, eventually many, many others (who would never have been part of my destruction had it not been for my mother, as a mother is most naturally a child’s protector-which is not the case here).

My little half-sister (who my clinical and biblical narcissist sister and I share a dad with) had a surprise birthday celebration arranged for her by my narcissistic sister. My little sister and I have a birthday one day (but 6 years) apart, yet this surprise party was strictly for my little sister. My sister has never had a party for me nor has she come to any parties for me. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. This will surprise no one who has any schooling at all on narcissistic abuse, coercive control, gaslighting and such.

This is a voicemail message from my narcissistic sister regarding the surprise party for our younger half-sister:

To the naked ear, this is a “sweet and innocent” voicemail. To a trained ear, or someone who knows how one with Narcissistic Personality Disorder operates, this is clearly the work of evil.

What I remember vividly was my narcissistic sister’s insistence that my then-boyfriend come as well. But why? Well, because a narcissistic abuser wants everyone else to also abuse you. Also, of course, my own children were there to watch and observe. And watching and observing me be disrespected and disregarded and me just “going with it” is a great way to do it (and-not-so-coincidentally, my then-boyfriend was abusive and eventually this abuse got physical). And doing this while she is showing love, respect, and appreciation to someone else (our little sister) is all the more impactful (I think this narcissistic tactic might be referred to as “Dog Whistling”).

Oh, readers, it is so hard to explain this. It is even harder to explain it without sounding like an ungrateful and jealous bad guy, which is entirely not the case at all.

I hope someday I can put it all together and have it make sense. I’m raising awareness and sensitivity so that people can stop it or at least not play into it. Pretty much my entire family, including my own children, have bought into my sister’s narrative and it is lonely, it is painful, it is infuriating.

I googled exactly this: “narcissistic sisters who turn sisters children against their mom”

Following this post at the bottom is the Google AI result from the query.

My previous post, Wedding Nosebleeds, about my daughter’s wedding where my sister was sitting in the front next to the groom’s mom and groom’s sister, failed to mention this: my sister could never have done any of this alone. She had my mom and my ex-husband to help her, and help each other, destroy me.

I know that evil will always exist in this world. There is no reasoning with evil. No one could have talked Hitler out of the slaughter of 6 million Jews. The question is, then, if we know we cannot stop Hitler from believing that the Jewish people must not be allowed to exist in this world, is it not up to “us” to prevent him from acting on it? Let’s take my sister, for example. Because I was the younger of the two of us, I had no idea my sister (and mom ) were my enemies or were not good or were just plain evil. To make that easier for some of you to swallow, I will replace the words “are evil” to “lacked reasonable goodness”. My mom, if it so happened that she wasn’t the one who passed along the “lack of reasonable goodness” seed to my sister, would have been the one to intervene, teach, and protect. She did none of those things. My step-dad, who was not necessarily evil, lacked…well, he just simply lacked. I would liken it to a serial killer who meets a partner-in-crime. Sometimes when serial killers partner up, it is said after evaluations that the “dumber” partner would have never participated in such acts had he never met the leading partner. I believe this to be true about my step-dad. Had he never met my mother, he may have never left his wife and children and, what’s more, never disinherited them. He did the former with my mother and the latter under my mother’s and sister’s “leadership”. (The math, here, should be easy: my sister had the most to gain from the “lack of reasonable goodness” of our mom and step-dad).

And I feel similarly about my brother-in-law, my sister’s husband. He just “lacks”. I imagine he is terrified of my sister. How could he NOT be? I do not believe he is evil, but it is clear he has no problem being part of something evil. Much like a Nazi sympathizer. He participates because he benefits financially, but also he participates because he, by doing so, avoids pain.

My heart aches everyday for my children. They seem to have absolutely no idea. If they do have an idea but still choose the ungodly path for whatever benefits they perceive they are receiving, well, that’s even more devastating because, to me, it means there’s little hope. They are her victims now but they don’t understand this. Eventually they will know all-too-well that it is IMPOSSIBLE that my sister (and their dad) have their best life and interest in mind. It’s beyond my understanding how everyone around us supports the evil (oh, sorry, “lack of reasonable goodness”). When “good” people don’t stand up and shout “STOP IT WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON HERE”, things like the holocaust happen. This is my own personal holocaust and my sister is Hitler.

The video below is shortly after my mom died (late July/early August 2021) but before I knew my sister has a personality disorder. So the words and terms below from the google search I was not at all familiar with. I also had no idea how far she was going to take things with my three children.

I’m having a very hard time putting my heart and thoughts into words right now. Here’s the Google AI answer to “narcissistic sisters who turn sister’s children against their mom”

A narcissistic sister who turns her sister’s children against their mother is using a manipulative tactic called “parental alienation,” often fueled by a desire for control, to undermine the mother’s relationship with her children, potentially stemming from jealousy, unresolved family conflicts, or a need to feel superior by creating chaos within the family dynamic. 

Key points about this behavior: 

• Triangulation:

Narcissists frequently use triangulation, where they pit one person against another to gain power and attention. In this case, the narcissistic sister would use the children as a tool to criticize and undermine their mother, making the children feel loyal to her instead.

• Gaslighting:

They might subtly manipulate the children by planting seeds of doubt about their mother’s actions, making them question their own perceptions and believe the sister’s narrative instead.

• Playing the victim:

The narcissistic sister may portray herself as the wronged party, claiming the mother is mistreating her or the children, which can further alienate the kids from their mom.

• Negative reinforcement:

By showering the children with attention and praise when they side with her against their mother, the narcissistic sister reinforces this behavior. 

Impact on the children: 

• Confusion and anxiety:

Children caught in the middle of parental alienation often experience confusion and anxiety, struggling to understand why they should choose sides.

• Loyalty conflicts:

Feeling torn between their mother and their aunt can create significant emotional distress.

• Damaged relationships:

This behavior can lead to long-term damage to the mother-child bond and create tension within the family dynamic. 

What can be done: 

• Seek professional help:

If you suspect your sister is engaging in parental alienation, consider individual therapy to manage your emotions and develop coping strategies. 

• Set boundaries:

Clearly communicate with your sister that you will not tolerate her attempts to manipulate your children and establish firm boundaries regarding interactions with them. 

• Document everything:

Keep a record of your sister’s manipulative behavior, including dates, times, and specific instances to provide evidence if necessary. 

So, how does my daughter’s aunt, my sister, get the front row seat during my daughter’s wedding ceremony but I, her mom, have an assigned seat in the nosebleeds?

I can’t answer for the, likely no, other mom who has endured such a situation, but as for me and my daughter, the back seat to my sister at my own daughter’s wedding is attributable to my sister’s ignored and never treated personality disorder and close to 20 years of my sister grooming and conditioning my daughter so that betraying and dishonoring me would come easy. 

When my mom died 3 years ago in 2021, I understood that I grew up not just with a narcissistic mother, but more surprisingly, I learned that I grew up the younger sister of a girl with full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  As with the majority of other people who have a Narcissistic Family System and are victims of abuse—narcissistic sibling abuse, emotional abuse, family scapegoat abuse, narcissistic abuse, and so forth—most of us are not “woke” to this until we are in our fifties.  We spend our lives trying with all of our mights to gain or earn or, dare I say, receive unconditionally, the love and affection of our abuser(s). We have no idea we are being abused and there is likely more than one narcissistic abuser. We have been convinced that it is us and haven’t earned or don’t deserve love. We are manipulated to believe, essentially, that we are the problem or a problem. This is gaslighting or coercive control.  If you’re already in your fifties and you discover that the people that were to see to it that you’re at the very least safe and secure and hopefully loved are actually destroying you, taking from you, robbing you, well, by then, your kids could be halfway gone.  To finish the job, it’ll just take the next on the list of people with power over your children…their dad. Some dads wouldn’t much dream of sitting the mother of his daughter in the nosebleeds at their daughter’s wedding with the mother-of-the-bride’s sister in the front row, but clearly one did. 

Back to my daughter and how it came to be that I was assigned a seat behind my sister at my own daughter’s wedding:

The same techniques used to control my world my entire life were and are being used on my daughter. Starting no later than 2009 but probably much earlier, my sister began her “work” on my children with a particular interest in my daughter.  My sister was “grooming” or “conditioning” my daughter (and others directly or indirectly). People with NPD are very similar to cult leaders in how they get “smart people” to join and participate. 

In 2009, my husband and I and our three kids moved back to California from Utah.  I was elated to get back to my home state where my family is: my mom and step-dad, my dad and step-mom, and my sister and her husband and my niece and nephew.

My two oldest children, son and daughter, had begun to show signs of indifference and disrespect towards me prior to 2009. Things my husband would do and say to them about me or regarding me were sometimes not favorable for united parenting and respect for both parents.  I didn’t say much to my husband about my observations during that time because, as the victim of life-long and current narcissistic abuse in my family of origin, I did not know up down from sideways.  

After 2009, the disrespect and indifference towards me from my two older kids, especially my daughter, was noticeable. I was ashamed, but not of my daughter (as a normal mom would be, but of ME (which won’t be a surprise to my sister survivors of sibling and parent narcissistic abuse)). This same year, unbeknownst to me, my mother had a will written wherein I’m disinherited (as are 2 step-siblings) with my sister getting it all. Even after this, we still visited like “normal”, like a document so despicable wasn’t just signed and notarized by our mom. I thought we were just one big intestate family going to each other’s kids’ plays, sports events, and birthday parties. Later in 2009, I became estranged from my mom due to a mind-blowing, heart-shattering encounter with her mental and moral illness.  HTTP://thecalculusofnegligence.com/kitchen-bad-mom-incident/

At least my sister was around to help me feel better and assure me that our “mom should never have said such horrible things” and that it would be “okay if you never want to talk to mom again”.  She also said that, just in case our mom disinherits me because I won’t be speaking to her, she’ll give me half of whatever she gets. But, as previously stated, my mother had, months prior to this, disinherited me.  It’s very safe to say my sister is the mastermind behind this devastating, life-ruining encounter.

Jumping to 2014:

My husband and I separated in 2014 after 20 years of marriage.  We were not quite done raising our three children. We separated on account of him being, in a nutshell, a liar and a cheater.  My husband was a very easy recruit to help my sister take everything.  I wouldn’t say he’s a man that will have a comfortable ride on the bus to heaven. She knew it all along.  I believe someone with NPD or The Dark Triad can feel and see if a potential and prospective parter-in-crime is ripe, ready, and willing. Almost as much as they can spot innocence, they can spot evil– and they will use either to satisfy their insatiable needs and desires.

Coming soon: Sisters, Serial Killers, and The Animal Spirit

My mother was having an affair with the married man across the street before and after I was born.

My sister is 16 months older than me. So she was an infant and then a toddler during my mother’s affair with the married man across the street. I was a fetus, a newborn, and an infant during my mother’s affair with the married man across the street.

The married man across the street has a wife and 2 pre-teen/teenage children, a boy and a girl. The girl, before and during my mother’s affair with her dad (the married man across the street), babysat my sister and then my sister and me.

My mother was married to my dad while she was having the affair with the married man across the street. My mom and dad and my sister and me would occasionally join the married man across the street and his family in their pool, as we didn’t have one. Summers were hot in Walnut Creek. That’s how the affair began.

My dad had no idea my mother was having an affair with the married man across the street…at first. But, my mother told him about the affair just before Thanksgiving. At that time, my sister was 2 and 1/2 and I was 16 months old. My mom said to our dad, “I’m having an affair with the married man across the street. I am leaving you and he is leaving his wife so we can be together.” The married man across the street told his wife the same night my mom told my dad. Well, his wife didn’t take it quite as well as my dad did, so the married man across the street told my mom that it’s a no-go and he is staying with his wife and two children. So, as luck would have it, my mom told my dad, “Nevermind. I guess we’ll stay together, now.”

My dad, elated that he isn’t going to lose his wife and his tiny daughters to the married man across the street, decided that moving might be wise. He picked out a nice home on the other side of town away from the married man across the street and bought it for us.

The following spring, shortly after moving into our new home for a fresh start (with new neighbors), my dad came home from work one day and put his key in the door. His key did not work, so he knocked. My mom opened the door and said to my dad, “I’m sorry. You don’t live here anymore. The married man that lives across the street from our previous house is moving in.”

So there my dad stood, outside the door of his home where he, his wife and two tiny daughters live that the four of us moved to (away from the married man across the street).

Norm, the married man across the street, came over and moved in that very night.

My sister has Narcissistic Personality Disorder DSM-V. She is now, also, a confirmed antisemite. And, yes, there are evil Jews (more on this later).

It’s funny. Things like this (what I’m about to show you) would usually infuriate me and cause a visceral, physical reaction. These days, I’m just not surprised by anything or anyone. I know what people, even my very own family, including my children, are capable of. What keeps me somewhat calm is knowing that punishment will come to them, I have not a doubt. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to get justice and right the wrongs, but I can’t do it alone. Guess I’ll have to wait for G-d to deliver. He will.

At my mother’s celebration of life I took a few photos of the photo collages on display in the yard of my childhood home. One of them featured a photo that was taken about a week before my mom died:

Notice my Star of David necklace. Here is a close up:

Now, here’s the photo collage made by either my Aunt or my sister (both Jews) that includes the above photo…with my Star of David edited out…

Here is a close up of her, or their, edited version of the photo that was displayed at the Celebration of Life for my mom…

Ignoring and tolerating evil, or not knowing how to spot it, is good for nothing and good for no one, but it’s been especially shitty for me. Trust me, I know how difficult it is to spot it. Its job is to deceive. Your job is to not let it succeed.

The photo antics are undeniably sick. So are many other things my sister (and mother) has done. All I can do is pray.

I know that if ever and when ever my sister is confronted with questions she will lie and deny and deceive. That’s what she does, as does anyone with NPD DSM-V. For instance, if someone reads this and is concerned enough to mention it to her, she’s certainly not going to say, “Yes. We did it. My Aunt and I edited the photo to remove the Star of David. We must remove and destroy any sign of G-d, goodness and truth.”

Rivalries have nothing to do with achievement but much to do with depriving others and even the destruction of others. With competition, on the other hand, there’s a goal that is not predicated on the destruction of competitors. Often, in a competition, there is a benefit. For example, a competition to invent the best cure for cancer.

Not so with rivalry. There are no winners here.

We call it sibling rivalry, not sibling competition, for good reason. No one benefits from sibling rivalry, at least not ultimately. Let’s take my sister, Kristen, for example: she inherited everything from our mother. I was disinherited. It might seem as though there is a “benefit” from this rivalry, at least for her. But in order to take what is rightfully mine or “ours”, she had to destroy me, my family, and our family. Does anyone really benefit from that? Is this something that puts a smile on G-d’s face?

My mother not only allowed this to happen, she encouraged it. She didn’t know any better. She was morally retarded, morally corrupt. My mother met my father in their early twenties. They married and had my sister, Kristen, in 1969. I came along in 1970. My mother, shortly following my birth, but possibly even prior to my birth, started an affair with the man who lived across the street from us. He was 15 years older than my mom and was married with two teenage kids.

My sister, Kristen, was just over 1 year old and I was a newborn when my mother began an affair with the married man who lived across the street. So far, does this sound like a “family oriented” or “morally aware” woman?

My sister, who was an only child for over 1 year, now has a newborn sister AND the married neighbor to compete with for my mother’s scarce, and even questionable, love and attention. As we know from history, scarcity increases the perceived value of a resource. This is especially true if you’re born with a propensity for selfishness, at best, and narcissism, at worst. So my sister did not see me as the innocent, sweet, harmless baby that I was. She saw me as someone, or something, who is going to take something already scarce and that she wanted all to herself.

This was not a competition to my sister, this was a knock-down-drag-out rivalry. A rivalry I was completely blind to for 51 years. Blind only because I was not born first.